Hello From Madame B

This is the blog entirely devoted to the incredible true predictions from the famous astrologer Madame Blakeway, Scotland's most accurate coffee leaves reader and Tarot card observer.

As is the way from people in the public eye, Madame B doesn't do readings directly. I was fortunate to bump into her in Morrisons in Edinburgh in 2003, as she was loading her delicate gypsy dress with cases of lager. We got talking as her on-off husband frantically fought off nine irate security guards, and she passed me her mobile number on an ornate purple card. And with that, she had gone, in a puff of smoke. Or dust. One of the two. And so had my wallet.

I was next in Edinburgh a few weeks later, and trembling with excitement I dialled the number. Madame B answered with a small recorded commercial for her card reading services, and a crash of a cymbal. She instinctively started to read my stars (Libra! How did she know?) and gave me personalised readings for up to but not more than three other people.

From then, whenever I was in Edinburgh, I received a special one off reading of the same quality and a similar smell.

After returning to Birmingham, she sent me what she called 'air messages' and what turned out to be emails containing a brief update on her career, news on her traveling carnival hand psychopathic husband - and always a small reading.

In early 2004, following some terrific blunt head trauma, I lost contact with Madame B.

Due to frankly unrealistic circumstances, I am proud to herald her return. September 2008 sees the staggering (literally) return of the woman Russell Grant 'has never heard of', Justin Toper 'cannot comment due to ongoing legal action', and Mystic Meg has labelled 'a fraud', Madame B.